Dream Life

 Though im too much depressed and alone right now specially when in afternoon time,  im at office place surrounding by number of people. But what can you do , sometime you become so incapable to control your own thoughts.     Weekends make me dull and frustrated, but this is Friday . Around 2 in afternoon i started to count my insecurities toward life. Things im scared to do , specially to be surround by people where i keeps on counting my failures . Start remembering every decision which took me to three steps back in life. That how i turned out to be  loser with zero financial stability , zero planning for future , and moreover no love life . But thanks to our office policies where on Friday and Saturdays we are allowed to play music with work...     "Never thought that you could fall for someone like me....."                           I'm too optimistic person who can live with po...

                                        Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equallu lay In Leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Tow roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

                                               Who is quiet in large groups or around people I don't know; you only see the real me if we're close. I smile and laugh a lot especially at the most inappropriate times.    I'm a hopeless romantic. I trip over air, up stairs and over  people's feet. I am the hardest person to offend, but it is all too easy to make me feel horrible. I hate telling people about my problems; they don't need       to worry about me. I'm the one who listens to other people's  problems. I believe people should not be judged before one takes the time to get to    know them, yet I am guilty of doing         that exact thing. I love to think rather than talk. I'm awkward, clumsy, shy, starnge....   but this is me. Take it or leave it.

                                     Not a flat. Not an apartment in back. Not a man's house. Not a daddy's . A house all my own. With my porch and my  pillow, my pretty purple petunias. My books and my stories. My two shoes waiting beside the bed. Nobody to shake a stick at. Nobody's garbage to pick up after.   Only a house quiet as snow, a space for myself to go, clean as paper before the poem.

                                        Learn how to truly be yourself; go to lunch, get coffee, go and watch a movie, alone and understand that there is no need to feel lonely . Take it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Fall in love with yourself and romanticise everything you do. The way your voice changes when you ask a shopkeeper, cinema attendant, waiter  or any other person of vague authority for something. The way you bite the inside of your cheek when you are nervous. They way you feel the heat in your cheeks rising with the cool sides of your hands. Become enamoured with the little habits and idiosyncrasies that are only noticed by someone who loves you.

                                     To you, love was about multitudes. To me, love was inordinate.        I love you, I would say.        How much? You would ask. I couldn't find the words to answer you then. But they have found their way to me since. And this is what I would tell you. I would blanket the world in utter darkness; I would pull back the veil of light and reveal to you, a blinding crescendo of stars. I would drain all the seas and ask you to count-  one by one- every grain of sand that clings to the ocean floor. I would tally the beat of every human heart that has echoed since the dawn of our becoming. And as you look in awe at the sheer magnitude of my admission, I would take your hand in mine and tell you; if only you had let me, this is how much I could have loved you.

                                                        The pain will hold on gently As you move throughout your day You'll try to shake it softly But quickly learn it wants to stay It lingers in the corner  It follows you around Juts when you think you've lost it You learn no solace can be found So here's a trick, I've learned a few For me and pain, we're good old friends And pain's afraid of love, you see Because love, it always mends So openup your eyes a bit Inhale deep and strong Look for the twinkle of loves presence That surrounds you all day long It could be here, it could be there A thought, a mile, a gift Look for the love in every moment And your pain will start to shift Just start small, and whynot now Find something good to think of Pain will shy away, you'll see When what you focus on is love And bit by bit , you'll chip away At t...

                             When I run after what I think I want My days are a furnace of distress and anxiety; If I sit in my own place of patience, What I need flows to me, And without any pain. From this I understand that What I want also wants me, Is looking for me And attracting me; When it cannot attract me Any more to go to it, It has to come to me. There is a great secret In this for anyone Who can grasp it.

                                You try hard to catch your shadow but it moves much too fast. it jumps on the walls and ceilings, begging you to revisit your past. nostalgia is a powerful state and your memories give you fight. you remember the instruction--- " second star to the right..." here nothing is lost, you still have every single friend and on the morning horizon, you see your innocence suspend. but oh, remember now you have far different dreams and it's okay for life to not be the same because we're growing up, it seems. i hope your life is still an adventure--- one that's wild and grand. but i think it's time to live it here, i think it's time to leave neverland.

  Am i the one who is creating disturbance in my own life. Like see what my best friend ashi is struggling with , not having person who can match the vibe that she always wants in her life. But look at me i am the one who is running away from this.                                             Actually its not so.... I also want to go for party with my friends and family, even want to dance carefree and specially till next day or till my last breath . I would like to taste all dishes , like to dress everyday just like an model and a long drive with loud music where i can sing out loudly too. But everything with in zone of safe n controlled. I dont want myself to be kept in situation , where i have to face something odd and specially which against my will. Dont want to be part of crowd where any moment they can lose control and strat behaving inappropriately.  I dont want...

                                            the sun is setting and i can't see it because the clouds are in the way. but that's okay. you've already shown me the fear of when something beautiful disappears. without a goodbye, without knowing why. i try to see through-to the sun, to you. but you're clouded with pride. you hide until you fade from view. it's true that goodbyes are painful. but now you must explain to my heart why you had to depart and take away your warmth and your light. i fight the darkness every night, and i wish i was brave, but i am afraid that the sun will never rise. it wasn't wise to give you so much power over me. you see, now there's not enough left to generate electricity. and i'm scared and stumbling in the clod but i'm told that my body will adjust. it must. it's just learnt not to trust.

                              I'm going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones.  I'm going to love you when you're happy and I'm going to still love you the most when you're sad. Don't you understand? I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere I want to love you, each and every piece of you. I want you with your imperfections as much as I want you for you.  And I'm always going to be here loving you with everything.

  One night she took, her memories out, and hung them in the sky, She hooked one on every distant star, and as they burned down into scars, she knew that's how she wanted them to stay, beautiful but faraway.                                             

                                 If you've listened close to silence, I'm sure that you have heard, The gentle constant ringing, In the space between two words, When you really pay attention, You find it's not just in your head, But instead is whispers of the words, The world has left unsaid, It's " I love you" left unspoken, And a mothers last goodbye, That she never had the chance to say, As she watched her daughter die, It's forgiveness never given, And a "sorry" left too late, That would have saved a best friends life, If they'd known it could not wait, It's a phrase that could have helped them, And it's secrets that could heal, It's words from those too scared to say, The truth of how they feel, But you have an advantage, For you're still alive to speak, Words that could help save a life, Or give strength to someone weak, So many you never leave unspoken, Words the whole world ought to hear, Before...

                                            You told me your favorite colors were red and purple so i dressed in those colors my dresses carried red ribbons and my eyeshadow glistened in purple but you began to use me as your canvas you'd leave purple marks onmy skin and sometimes when you were livid you'd vibrate red and red would trickle down my lips but i knew you loved me so i let you use me as your canvas and then one day i lay on the floor in a pool of red and you began to laugh oh you're running why are you running my chest is hurting i thought you loved red i thought you loved me your favorite colors were red and purple

In a sea of strangers,      you've longed to know me.      your life spent sailing      to my shores. The arms that yearn      to someday hold me,      will ache beneath      the heavy oars. Please take your time      and take it slowly;      as all you do      will run its course. And nothing else      can take what only-      was always meant      as solely yours.  

                                        I have many sides but which one is the                       original? I go by many different names but which                         one is mine? I hear so many voices my own was lost in                the echo's years ago My memories feel like that of a stranger's  I can't seem to remember people I'm                  supposed to know I feel like I'm going crazy yet to others it's                     all just a show My heart is going numb from all the pain                    it feels constantly And it seems that the more I'm searching,  Th...

                                                 It's been a while since words have found me,    the time between - you'll come and go;    I'd grown to love the sun around me,    I've been a stranger to my woe. It's been so long since there was silence,    all around me, your voice had rung;    like a bird who sings, to greet the morning,    to tell you that the day has come.   It's been some time since I've felt lonely,     like a book that is, no longer read;     the darkness lingers on, without you,     it fills my empty heart with dread. It seems an age ago, since you have left me,     time has filled me, with words unsaid;     as the sadness seeps into me slowly,     and I am left to face the night ahead.

                                                            I'm trapped inside a tower, I've been locked and lost the key, Now the darkness that creeps in at night, Is my only company, No-one tries to save me here, Since they can't hear my cries, I pass my days in solitude, Watch the world move on outside, This tower isn't very grand, It's really not the tall, But still I can't escape it, I can't break free at all, You can't see this tower, Juts believe it's there instead, Because my tower isn't made of stone, It's all inside my head.

                                            I remember when the world broke in, To rip apart my soul, For years after that one event, I thought myself not whole, My hours were spent with trying, To fix it up with tape and glue, Until one day I discovered, Everyone else was broken too, Here we were with pieces, Of ourselves in both our hands, So fragile and so open, That I began to understand, Maybe I'd been greedy, To want my soul all to myself, When it could be a lot more helpful, In the palms of someone else, Now every time I go somewhere, I leave part of me behind, And collect all of the pieces,  Of others souls that I can find, So when I'm meeting someone new, Its not just me they get, But also tiny fragments, Of all the others that I've met, And my life's become much bigger, Now that it's home to things so small, And if this is what " broken" means, I do not mind at al...