Dream Life

  If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream- and not make dreams your master; If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn ...

                                        I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back. Then, that day arrived and it was so damn hard but the next was harder. And I knew with a sinking feeling it was giving to get worse and I wasn't going to be for a very long time. Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I love you every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug. Whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I  discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile. I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you or wanting you. I go to bed at night and I lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin  to lose you all over again.

                                       When you start losing yourself in huge and noisy crowds, trusting people for who you believe they are rather who they say they are, believing in kindness and compassion so much, you start to think that every human you meet is as kind and as compassionate as you are.                                          When you find yourself slipping away into the pit of darkness after you thought you conquered all your demons, feeling anxious before making an order even when you have rehearsed it 10 times, pouring your heart out to a stranger, but making enemies out of all the people you know. When you find yourself, giving people a 100 chances before they break you into millions of pieces, slashing one of your arms' cause you can't bear the sight of someone ...