Dream Life

  At the end of the day, I just want to be proud of the person I have become. I want to be proud of the love I gave- of the way in which I risked my heart despite being hurt. I want to be proud of the effort I showed those I cared about; I want to know with a ruthless certainty that I showed up as much as I could, that I made people feel seen, that I made those around me feel less alone in this chaotic world. I want to be proud of my life - of the way I healed, of the way I made mis- takes and learned from them, of the way I felt every- -thing even when it wasn't convenient or comfortable. I want to be proud of the way I grew, of the way I let go, of the way I pushed myself to be a better person. At the end of the day, I just want to be able to say without hesitation that I lived my life, that I did not just take  a back seat to my pain, or to my flaws, or to whatever  hardships came my way. I want to be able to say that I am proud of the way I survived. I want to be able...

 Healing is uncomfortable. It is a long journey. It is upwards and downwards and taking 5 steps forward and 3 step back. It involves tears and pain and lots of struggle-but it gives you so much back. Lessons. Growth. Wisdom. Closure. Healing isn't like the process of an external scar being replaced with new skin. It's more like a broken ceramic glass being glued together with love, lessons and people.  You will heal through broken hearts and healthy relationships. You will heal through jobs and careers and friendships. You will heal as you adventure through life. You will heal as you leave the country, start a new adventure and give up an old love.  You will keep healing and healing. And it probably won't stop even when you're older. You will just get wiser. You will just get stronger. Healing won't act as an anesthetic that makes you numb. Instead, it will bring the pain to you and teach you how to live with it. That's what healing will do.         ...

                                                       I want you to stay Don't leave me here alone I want you to stay I cannot let you go   I'm calling out your name I'm trying to be okay I'm crying on my bed Who said that I'll be okay?   Cuz I know that love is pain Please don't go away from me again Promise me that you'll come back I can't stop loving you again   Loving you again Again Loving you again Again

                                                        The pain will hold on gently As you move throughout your day You'll try to shake it softly But quickly learn it wants to stay It lingers in the corner  It follows you around Juts when you think you've lost it You learn no solace can be found So here's a trick, I've learned a few For me and pain, we're good old friends And pain's afraid of love, you see Because love, it always mends So openup your eyes a bit Inhale deep and strong Look for the twinkle of loves presence That surrounds you all day long It could be here, it could be there A thought, a mile, a gift Look for the love in every moment And your pain will start to shift Just start small, and whynot now Find something good to think of Pain will shy away, you'll see When what you focus on is love And bit by bit , you'll chip away At t...

                                           When someone asks what i'm scared of I play i basic and say the dark. Sometimes I'll say heights, Needles or even sharks. Maybe I'll say spiders, Or flying above the ground. I'll say confined spaces, Or even pain and loud sounds. But I hide my real fears And put it on a far shelf, Cause my biggest fear is that you'll see me The way I see myself.

  When someone asks what i'm scared of I play it basic and say the dark. Sometimes I'll say heights, Needles or even sharks. Maybe I'll say spiders, Or flying above the ground. I'll say confined spaces, Or even pain and loud sounds. But I hide my real fears And put it on a far shelf, Cause my biggest fear is that you'll see me The way I see myself.

                                  I was the type of person, That held onto things too tight, Unable to release my grip, When it no longer felt right, And although it gave me blisters, And my fingers would all ache, I always thought that holding on, Was worth the pain it takes, I used to think in losing things, I'd lose part of me too, That slowly I'd become someone, My heart no longer knew, Then one day something happened, I dropped what I had once held dear, But my soul became much lighter, Instead of filled with fear, And it taught my heart that some things, Aren't meant to last for long, They arrive to teach you lessons, And then continue on, You don't have to cling to people, Who no longer make you smile, Or do something you've come to hate, If it isn't worth your while, That sometimes the thing you're fighting for, Isn't worth the cost, And not everything you ever lose, Is bound to be a loss.

                                               Over the years I have had to learn to become my own best friend. There were many nights I spent crying myself to sleep, sad and lonely with almost every given heartache. Over time I realized that I had to learn to comfort myself to overcome the pain. It's a process, and I'm still learning how to do it, but I've gotten so much better. I can honestly say that I am my own best friend.