Dream Life

                                     She isn't the easiest girl to love. she has this bad habit of overthinking. She tends to  overreact and she gets a little insecure every once in a while. She'll be needy for your attention. She wants to literally take up all of your time and she'll require a lot of reassurance. She isn't capable of fully trusting you. She doesn't know when to stop fighting with you even if she's wrong. She has no problem pushing you away if she feels like you're close to hurting her. Loving her will stress you out, loving her will make you angry, loving her will break  your heart at times, loving her will test you, loving her will challenge you, and loving her will change you. It may get so demanding that you'll be tempted to walk away, it may get so hard that you'll think about giving up, and it may get so complicated that you won't want to deal with her anymore....

                                         I have been lonely for a while now. I used to say it's because I loved my solitude and independence. I'm Thirty-one now and I don't think loneliness is cutting it anymore. Curious cat. I wonder if I live like this because my days may be numbered? Or do I live this because I'm fucked up in the head? I'm better alone. I'm better alone. I'm better alone. I'm better alone. I'm better alone. BUT if you keep telling yourself you're bird, one day you'll think you can fly. Fighting the urge to disappear, fighting the emotions when I get involved with someone. Reminding myself it's okay to like someone, yet still screaming in my head " None of this means anything, they're just nice and even if they did, you don't deserve it!" Stop being happy. stop being happy. Stop being happy. Stop being happy. Stop being happy. Stop being happy. I become this dragon...

                                     My silence means I am tired of fighting and now there is nothing left to fight for.  My silence means I am tired of explaining  my feelings to you, but now I don't have  the energy to explain them anymore .  My silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life  and I don't want to complain. My silence means I am on self healing process  and I am trying to forget everything I ever wanted from you. My silence means I am just trying to move on  gracefully with all my dignity.