Dream Life

                                  First Kiss                                             It wasn't that long. But, the memory would last forever. I do remember how i was holding your hand seeking for    a corner . It was the first time for both of us.  Still i can feel your heartbeats and my shivering.   Eyes rolling, making sure of no one can see us.  My hand on your face was like an ice on a flame. For a moment all stopped when i felt your lips on mine.   It was like souls in heaven promising I'm your and                   you'll be mine.

                                     I remember sitting on the swing in our backyard when i was eight years old, thinking about how strange it was that i wouldn't remember that exact moment in a few months. Eleven years later & perhaps the irony of it all is how clear that memory still is for me. i think about it often not sitting on the swing but just the messiness of memories and how at any given time, we can exist in a thousand different places just by brushing up against other lives. it's a scary and beautiful thing, don't you think? there are things we have said and done that are so easily forgotten, but somewhere, in some mind, they are remembered. i wonder about all the things i am. how in some stories i may be the conflict and in others, the resolution. how i might be nothing more than the girl who ordered a flat white with one sugar but even still, i exist outside of this body and...

                               I think about you as I write. I worry about what I'm saying or not saying. I worry about what you must think of me when you read this, because we both know you still do. Although  maybe not for much longer.  Or may be you always will. I think about how this will eventually stop. This constant urge to tell you everything on my mind. Like how a lot of wonderful things have happened recently. Like how I can't watch Austin power movies anymore. Like every time it rains , and I mean REALLY rains, I think about how we could've made that kiss better. I think about the way you used to look at me. How once upon a time every secret  held a gem, or how I never stopped loving your laugh. NO matter where I hear it. It still made me smile. I know this will stop. It always does. But I'm allowed to miss you. Or rather this idea of you I created . I'm allowed to be angry. I'm all...