Dream Life

 Healing is uncomfortable. It is a long journey. It is upwards and downwards and taking 5 steps forward and 3 step back. It involves tears and pain and lots of struggle-but it gives you so much back. Lessons. Growth. Wisdom. Closure. Healing isn't like the process of an external scar being replaced with new skin. It's more like a broken ceramic glass being glued together with love, lessons and people.  You will heal through broken hearts and healthy relationships. You will heal through jobs and careers and friendships. You will heal as you adventure through life. You will heal as you leave the country, start a new adventure and give up an old love.  You will keep healing and healing. And it probably won't stop even when you're older. You will just get wiser. You will just get stronger. Healing won't act as an anesthetic that makes you numb. Instead, it will bring the pain to you and teach you how to live with it. That's what healing will do.         ...

                                                       I am not the first person you loved. you are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forever's. We  have both known loss like the sharp edges of knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid ...

                                                                          to my mind: we are at war, you and me, an everlasting exchange of indults and new wounds and apologies that always come just a little too late. by the time you say i'm sorry i have already absorbed the blow. a new battle scar has risen on my skin. my body cannot defend itself from you anymore. and i'm scared a truce will never come.

                                            I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forever's, we have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come, I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it's still ha...