Dream Life

                                             Keep your chin up little stargazer At worlds above our own, You are small but you are stardust And that's worth more than you've known, For every sun and solar flare Is made up just like you, And if they're cause for wonder Then I promise you are too. Look out little stargazer 'til nothing's left unseen, And know there's not a patch of sky Where no-one else's eyes have been, That the darkness that enfolds you Holds countless other starlit hearts, And with this you stand together Though you live lifetimes apart. Be brave now live lifetimes apart. Be brave now little stargazer The sky is growing light, And courage wanes like moonbeams When it's pulled out from the night, But like those who gazed before you; Know when your heart is full of fear, That it is always in your darkness That the stars start to appear.

                                          You're going to realize it one day- that happiness was never about  your job, or your degree, or being in  a relationship. Happiness was never  about following in the footsteps of all of those who came before you, it was never about being like the others. One day, you're going to see it- that happiness was always about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. Happiness was always  about being kinder to yourself, it was always about embracing the person you were becoming . One day, you will understand. That happiness was always  about learning how to live with yourself, that happiness was never in the hands of other people. It was always about you. It was  always about you.

                                      Some days are hard. and when they are, i allow myself to feel whatever it is that my body asks me to feel and i respect the time it needs to fumble and flounder and fall a little. some days i am swallowed whole by things too big for me to hold. and so i set them down. i rest, knowing that even when i cannot slay the beast, i can lay aside my sword for a moment and work on protecting my spirit instead. some days my heart beats like thunder inside of my chest. it is heavy and loud. and relentless. it does not listen to the part of me that wants to silence the storm. and so i take my eyes off of the noise and fix them on quieter places. on music. and art. and heaven. and trees. and i show myself grace in the dark. even if i am shaking my way through it. because some days i still haven't caught my breath from yesterday yet.

                                     Silence is never nothingness.       It never was. It's full of confusing emotions,   Which remain unexpressed.   It's full of unspoken words,  which make our throat bleed Just like the sharp broken pieces           Of mirror.  It's full of unresolved mysteries,  Tangled like numerous threads.  It's full of an awkward madness,    Beyond all the limitations,     Weather known or unknown.    Being comfortable with silence        Is a rare art.     Those who experience   This uncomfortable comfort,      Fall in love with silence,      Where they experience     The unexpressed emotions,      Where they come across       The unspoken words,        Where they find       The old new scars    And the broken pieces of the soul,      Where they untangle      The threads of the past        And use them       To weave the future,         Where they gain    The miraculous power of madness.

                                                 She has a bookshelf for a heart, And ink runs through her veins, She'll write you into her story, With the typewriter in her brain, Her bookshelf's getting crowded, With all the stories that she's penned, Of the people who flicked through her pages, But closed the book before the end, And there's one pushed to the very back, That sits collecting dust, With its title in her finest writing, "The One's Who Lost My Trust", There's books she's scared to open, And books she doesn't close, Stories of every person she's met, Stretched out in endless rows, Some people have only a sentence, While others once held a main part, Thousands of inky footprints, That they've left across her heart, You might wonder why she does this, Why write of people she once knew? But she hopes one day she'll mean enough, For someone to write about her too.

                                Right now Through the wet, thunderous rain I crave to go back again To that one magical moment Where our eyes first locked, Our minds completely wasted, Our actions so reckless and carefree, Yet falling into each other's arms perfectly With every tender touch and every intimate embrace With every spoken word we shared The atmosphere felt so cute and delicate Your exquisite nature made my heart melt Something I've never experienced before As if you were a gift from the angels, to adore And even though I doubt if you felt the same way I am now so lucky to have found someone I'll remember every day

                                       The sound of two people ignoring each other The sound of no one being there for another The sound of eerie nothingness engulfing the air The sound of no one even bothering to care The sound of wind blowing everything away The sound of the pain you go through everyday The sound of everything that is unknown The sound of being completely alone The sound of thinking quietly inside The sound of being left behind The sound of trying not to cry The sound of wishing you could die The sound of silence can't be heard Just like the soft swift wings of a bird The sound of silence can seem unreal The sound of silence is something you feel The sound of silence Soft yet shril The sound of silence I think Can kill

 Healing is uncomfortable. It is a long journey. It is upwards and downwards and taking 5 steps forward and 3 step back. It involves tears and pain and lots of struggle-but it gives you so much back. Lessons. Growth. Wisdom. Closure. Healing isn't like the process of an external scar being replaced with new skin. It's more like a broken ceramic glass being glued together with love, lessons and people.  You will heal through broken hearts and healthy relationships. You will heal through jobs and careers and friendships. You will heal as you adventure through life. You will heal as you leave the country, start a new adventure and give up an old love.  You will keep healing and healing. And it probably won't stop even when you're older. You will just get wiser. You will just get stronger. Healing won't act as an anesthetic that makes you numb. Instead, it will bring the pain to you and teach you how to live with it. That's what healing will do.                    

                                                       I am not the first person you loved. you are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forever's. We  have both known loss like the sharp edges of knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it's still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know: whether it

                                               i always thought it would be difficult to find someone who will love me when i'm always scattered in a thousand pieces it's like trying to complete a puzzle when you don't even know if you have  all the right pieces but then you showed me that every piece doesn't have to be place to create something beautiful that love can exist in the most imperfect lost and broken people and i promise you that love will be just as beautiful. if you're in a thousand pieces or just one.

                                                 It took me a very long time to discover myself in a way that I can express myself, my thoughts and visions. Is there anyone reading this? Can I really reach you with my words? Do I make a difference? That remains a question, but I like to try. And this is why: Along the way I found out what works and what doesn't work for me. I know my low points, my weaknesses and I know better than anyone how I work. As I always say, and it is and remains a cliché, treating another as you would like to be treated yourself is the key. Unfortunately, I cannot control how someone else thinks, how they treat me and in what situations that has brought me. A lot has happened so that I have lost hope often enough, confidence has been damaged and I have often stood on the brink of collapse. Yet with time and awareness I have found my way back and I have kept my goal in mind. I want to show who I am, not how someone else presents me or treats me. I want to

                                     She isn't the easiest girl to love. she has this bad habit of overthinking. She tends to  overreact and she gets a little insecure every once in a while. She'll be needy for your attention. She wants to literally take up all of your time and she'll require a lot of reassurance. She isn't capable of fully trusting you. She doesn't know when to stop fighting with you even if she's wrong. She has no problem pushing you away if she feels like you're close to hurting her. Loving her will stress you out, loving her will make you angry, loving her will break  your heart at times, loving her will test you, loving her will challenge you, and loving her will change you. It may get so demanding that you'll be tempted to walk away, it may get so hard that you'll think about giving up, and it may get so complicated that you won't want to deal with her anymore. Loving her means you get to see her at her worst and most vulne

                                                    Before you date me..... You need to understand that I'm damaged. I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I'm curled up on a ball on the floor and I won't talk to anyone. I'll shut you out. I'm not going to be able to trust you for a while, because everyone has always left, cheated, or chosen someone else. I will need reassurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me. I'll need you to care when I text you saying I'm getting bad again. I'm a lot, I know this. So before you think I'm always happy, that I'll always be positive, that I'll always be smiling- know the reality before you get involved. Don't enter my life if you can't handle it. Lastly, don't you dare touch my heart if you aren't ready for that.

                                             I wasn't looking for anything at all when I met you. Actually, I wasn't planning on falling for anyone so soon. But then I met you. And that was it... I guess things just happened. I found you  and I found myself slowly wanting to spend time with you. It was simple. It was easy. And I think that's how the best relationships begin. You're not looking for anything and then suddenly you realize you have something.

                                  First Kiss                                             It wasn't that long. But, the memory would last forever. I do remember how i was holding your hand seeking for    a corner . It was the first time for both of us.  Still i can feel your heartbeats and my shivering.   Eyes rolling, making sure of no one can see us.  My hand on your face was like an ice on a flame. For a moment all stopped when i felt your lips on mine.   It was like souls in heaven promising I'm your and                   you'll be mine.

                                                For what it's worth.....it's never too late, or in my case too  early, to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you've never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you're not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.        

                                               "Hope" is the thing with feathers            That perches in the soul,      And sings the tune without the words,             And never stops at all.        And sweetest in the gale is heard;            And sore must be the storm        That could abash the little bird             That kept so many warm.            I've heard it in the chilliest land            And on the strangest sea;             yet, never, in extremity,             It asked a crumb of me.