Dream Life

                                                            I'm trapped inside a tower, I've been locked and lost the key, Now the darkness that creeps in at night, Is my only company, No-one tries to save me here, Since they can't hear my cries, I pass my days in solitude, Watch the world move on outside, This tower isn't very grand, It's really not the tall, But still I can't escape it, I can't break free at all, You can't see this tower, Juts believe it's there instead, Because my tower isn't made of stone, It's all inside my head.

                                            I remember when the world broke in, To rip apart my soul, For years after that one event, I thought myself not whole, My hours were spent with trying, To fix it up with tape and glue, Until one day I discovered, Everyone else was broken too, Here we were with pieces, Of ourselves in both our hands, So fragile and so open, That I began to understand, Maybe I'd been greedy, To want my soul all to myself, When it could be a lot more helpful, In the palms of someone else, Now every time I go somewhere, I leave part of me behind, And collect all of the pieces,  Of others souls that I can find, So when I'm meeting someone new, Its not just me they get, But also tiny fragments, Of all the others that I've met, And my life's become much bigger, Now that it's home to things so small, And if this is what " broken" means, I do not mind at all.

                                      At the end of the day, if someone wants to be in  your life, they will be, Truly - they are capable, they will make the effort , they will show up. If they do not - let that be your closure. However, you do not have to hate them. You do not have to remember their contribution to your life as anything but beautiful. Do not ruin them in your mind, do not grip until you feel resentment. Instead, love them without attachment. Love the lessons they taught you. Wish them well every single time you think about them. Miss them, but do not ache for them to come back. If the people in your life left because they were not ready to value you, or love you, or be there for you, do not wish for them back, do not ask for them to be more than they can be at the moment. Wish for them to figure themselves out. Wish for them grow. They are on their own journey - a journey you are not a part of  and that is okay. You have to learn that that is okay. So instead of focus

                                             I hope you find what you're looking for out there. I hope you find the kind of happiness that exists on your own terms. I hope you truly take the time to figure out what moves you, what encourages your soul, what you deeply crave from life, and I hope you have the courage to chase that .  I hope you have the courage to believe that you are deserving of everything you desire, that you are capable and worthy of curating the kind of life for yourself that sparks something within you. You have a fire inside of you- I hope you never let convenience, or comfort , or the easiness of standing still put it out. I hope you show the world what you can do with all of there passion inside of you. I hope you find the kind of love that makes you a softer person. The kind of love that makes you want to be a better man or woman, the kind of love that believes in you and supports you, that stands by your side. I hope you find someone who quickly becomes y

                                                          I still search    for you in crowds,    in empty fields    and soaring clouds. In city lights     and passing cars,     on winding roads     and wishing stars. I wonder where     you could be now,     for years I've not said     your name out loud. And longer since     I called you mine     time has passed     for you and I. Yet I have learned      to live without,     I do not mind     I still love you anyhow.

                             I want you to be different than yourself now, but not the same as everyone else you see. Tell yourself to be better, but not because you want to be better than someone else. Mold into your own shape. but not in the same mold everyone else uses to grow. Aim in the direction that your path follows, but not what your friends follow. Allow your self to have setbacks but do not be scared of what set you back in the first place. See the same goal that I have today, but not in the same spot that I am looking at it from now. I want to recognize you, but not feel as if I am looking in a mirror once again. I know you will be humble, but not crumble under the pressure that your past self has put on you. You will thrive at your own pace as a winner of your own race, but not win to gain glory or fame. I will see you, but not physically or in present time. In that time you will exceed what i have dreamed for years. But do not forget me because I am where you started and

                                    It took me a very long time to discover myself in  a way that I can express myself, my thoughts and visions. Is there anyone reading this? Can I really reach you with my words? Do I make a difference? That remains a question, but I like to try. And this is why : Along the way I found out what works and what doesn't work for me. I know my low points, my weaknesses  and I know better than anyone how I work. As I always say, and it is and remains a cliché, treating another as you would like to be treated yourself is the key. Unfortunately, I cannot control how someone else thinks, how they treat me and in what situations that has brought me. A lot has happened so that I have lost hope often enough, confidence has been damaged and I have often stood on the brink of collapse. Yet with time and awareness I have found my way back and I have kept my goal in mind. I want to show who I am, not how someone else presents me or treats me. I want to help those

                         When every dream    has turned to dust,    and your highest hopes    no longer soar. When places you     once yearned to see,     grow further away     on distant shores. When every night      you close your eyes,      and long inside      for something more. Remember this      and only this,      if nothing else      you can recall There was a life      a girl once led,      where you were loved       the most of all.

                            I feel nothing at the same time, I feel everything. Without purpose or plan I wonder , why? Everything I try, goes awry. Unable to fit in I keep to myself, Set a goal, Find a way , not to lose control. Why does it never feel right? This feeling in my gut, It's sinking, sometimes it all feels like, too much. The fog appears, making nothing clear, Thoughts get lost, moving too fast, can't keep track, wandering through, Doors in my head, too many broken, No way to open, I try and express the feelings within, But it isn't accepted, They say they want to help, But they don't want to hear, People fear they will be infected , So, they treat me like I am demented , It is easier for them to reject, What they cannot understand, What it is like, To feel nothing And at the same time, To feel everything.

                                                           I'd write love letters to the earth, whisper them to the wind, Fold them into paper boats, And find a stream to sail them in, I'd write of beautiful sunrises, of the oranges and pinks, While I sit beside the seashore, Where the waves can smudge my ink, I'd write these words on paper, But for paper I need trees, Like many things mankind has made, But doesn't really need, And so our letters to the earth, Leave less love than they do scars, When we write them in our blinding light, That block out all the stars,

                                           I love him and he loves me. We spend every moment together. When sleep parts us, we often meet in our dreams. I like to take naps throughout the day. Like a cat, he says. He is a cat person. He thinks my eyes are beautiful and strange. He has never seen eyes like mine up close before. He says they look at him with daggers when he has done something wrong. Like when he forgets to order olives on my half of the pizza. He thinks I am especially cute when angry. We argue over whose turn it is to put the dvd in the player. Sometimes no one wins and we end up watching bad TV. Which is never really a bad thing. He never imagined he would be with someone like me. But now he says , he can't imagine himself with anyone else.

                              The night is come, but not too soon; And sinking silently, All silently, the little moon Drops down behind the sky. There is no light in earth or heaven But the cold light of stars; And the first watch of night is given To the red planet Mars. Is it the tender star of love? The star of love and dreams? Oh no! from that blue tent above A hero's armor gleams. And earnest thoughts within me rise, When I behold afar, Suspended in the evening skies, The shield of that red star. O star of strength ! I see thee stand And smile upon my pain; Thou beckonest with thy mailed hand, And I am strong again. Within my chest there is no light But the cold light of stars; I give the first watch of the night To the red planet mars. The star of unconquered will, He rises in my chest. Serene, and resolute , and still, And calm, and self possessed. And thou , too, whosoe'er thou art, That readest this brief psalm, As one by on ethy hopes depart, Be resolute and calm. Oh

                               Love blurs you vision but after it recedes , you can see more clearly than ever. It's like the tide going out, revealing whatever's  been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbles fishbodies, bones. This is the kind of thing  you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes, not knowing the future.

                                I don't know what it is like to love someone, who the world tells me I am not supposed to love. I can't imagine how hard it must be to love someone I am afraid to kiss on the street . But I do know what it like to love someone who I cannot be with. I know how it feels to have my brain tell me one thing, and my heart another. To live with the knowledge that if circumstances had been different, I would be with the one I love. I do know there are all kinds of barriers to love. I do believe the world needs less of them.

                                                        I do not love you as if you were salt rose , or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret , between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when , or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I Know no other way than this: where I does not exist , nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

                                            Do you think there is the possibility of you and I? In this lifetime, is that too much to hope for? There is something so delicate about this time, so fragile.  And if nothing ever comes of it, at least I have known this feeling,  this wonderful sense of optimism.  It is something I can always keep close to me-to draw from in my darkest hour like a ray of unspent sunshine.  No matter what happens next, I will always be glad to know there is someone like you in the world.

                                           You think you can define me, That I'm a tick in just one box, Like my being is a door, That a single key unlocks, But let me tell you something, I have the universe inside, I hold an untamed ocean, With a constant changing tide, I'm home to endless mountains, With tips that touch the sky, Flocks of grand migrating birds, And deserts harsh and dry  I house the wildest rivers, And a host of weeping plains, I feel in waves of sunshine, Or in unrelenting rains, Don't tell me that you know me, That " this right here is what you are", I am the universe in motion, For I was born from stars.

                                           Do you know when you've lost something - like your favorite t-shirt or set of keys- and while looking for it, you come across something else you once missed but have long since forgotten? Well whatever it was, there was a point where you decided  to stop searching, maybe because it was no longer required or a new replacement was found. It is almost as if it never existed in  the first place - until that moment of rediscovery, a flash of recognition. Everyone has one- an inventory of lost things waiting to be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life. I think this is where I belong- among all your other lost things. A crumpled note at the bottom of a drawer or an old  photograph pressed between the pages of book. I hope someday you will find me and remember what I once meant to you.

                                        I barely know you , she says, voice heavy with sleep. I don't know your favorite colors or how you like your coffee. What keeps you up at night or the lullabies that sing you sleep. I don't know a thing about the first girl you loved , why you stopped loving her or why you still do. I don't know how many millions of cells you are made of and if they have any idea they are part of something so beautiful and unimaginably perfect. I may not have a clue about any of these things but this- she places her hand on his chest - this, I Know.

                                   Kiss me with all your heart This unacceptable true feeling suits us well Sweeping across the moon and the vermilion gate cool wind find its effort vain Beneath the tranquility The world sees sacrifices  Playful and simple I am Hate to stay neutral and forbearing Candles burnt out so would my life being with you My life would be worth it I wished to be your destination Hold a Lamp and read for you not poem of love or book of tears May I chase it for life Not stained with dust Be attended by love May I follow your path The drizzle will heal the wound May my youth  Recall the remains Be devoted even when I'm down Thanks for your affection The end is like the beginning Once in lifetime  I fell for you

                                          The moon has always been the ocean's most jealous lover. But every time he has tried to fully control her tides, She has turned into a terrible tempest and broken through his chains with such fury, only allowing him the illusion of control on her smallest, weakest tides Woman , you are the ocean. And no one, not even the moon itself is allowed to control your glorious, beautiful tides.

                         They keep saying that beautiful is something a girl needs to be. But honestly? Forget that. Don't be beautiful. Be angry, be intelligent, be witty, be klutzy, be interesting, be funny, be adventurous, be crazy, be talented- there are an eternity of other things to be other than beautiful. And what is beautiful anyway but a set of letters strung together to make a word? Be your own definition of amazing , always. That is so much more important than anything beautiful , ever. Credit : Nikita Gill from Pinterest

                                     She speaks to me fondly of passions and talents, guitars and stars, and apologizes for speaking at all. All because somewhere in her life, someone she loved broke her heart by ignoring her beautiful words and telling her to  shut up, keep it down, nobody cares.

                                                    If you looked in the corners, You'd find her right there, Hidden by darkness, And the curls in her hair, Her nose in a book,  With her head in the clouds, Hiding her feelings, Away from the crowds, If you sat by her side, While the world passes you by She'd tell you the story, Behind the pain in her eyes, I you gave her five minutes, You'd see how her smile, Makes even the bad things In life seen worthwile, But you don't look in corners, You don't even glance, So she sit there still waiting, To be given a chance.

  WHEN I'AM                                                                                            Not Pretty but not Ugly. Not Smart but not Dumb. Stay at Home type but also Love Going Outside to Hangout. Know how to Dress but also Such. Very Friendly Doing Texting but very Shy IRL. Funny but Boring. Confident but also Insecure. Strong But Weak. Feel Happy but Cry without reason Need Someone but want to be Alone.

                           I remember when I met you,      the hands of time stood still;      you and your camera smile---      a flash of something real. We talked until evening.      the moon came out for a while;      the clock resumed its ticking      and my heart was on the dial. The morning came to calm you,      and as far as I can tell----      I will never know another,      who knew me quite so well.

                                             Our lives go on without you But nothing is the same, We have to hide our heartaches When someone speaks your name. Sad are the hearts that love you silent the tears that fall, Living our hearts without you Is the hardest part of all. You did so many things for us Your heart was kind and true, And when we needed to talk to someone We could always count on you. The special years will not return When we were all together, But with the love within our hearts You will walk with us forever.

                                     My silence means I am tired of fighting and now there is nothing left to fight for.  My silence means I am tired of explaining  my feelings to you, but now I don't have  the energy to explain them anymore .  My silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life  and I don't want to complain. My silence means I am on self healing process  and I am trying to forget everything I ever wanted from you. My silence means I am just trying to move on  gracefully with all my dignity.

                                       I love to sit in silence Beneath the shady trees And listen to the song of birds And to the buzz of bees.             I love to sit in silence And watch the clouds roll by Then read a book or sing a song And hear the wild bird cry. I love to sit in silence When the day is almost done And see behind the distant hill The paint glow of the sun. I love to sit in silence In the evening twilight And listen to the whippor- will Singing with all its might I love to sit in silence Beneath the starry sky And pray to all in earnest To Live in silence all the while.

                                       When you start losing yourself in huge and noisy crowds, trusting people for who you believe they are rather who they say they are, believing in kindness and compassion so much, you start to think that every human you meet is as kind and as compassionate as you are.                                          When you find yourself slipping away into the pit of darkness after you thought you conquered all your demons, feeling anxious before making an order even when you have rehearsed it 10 times, pouring your heart out to a stranger, but making enemies out of all the people you know. When you find yourself, giving people a 100 chances before they break you into millions of pieces, slashing one of your arms' cause you can't bear the sight of someone struggling, always being just to people who once turned on their backs when you needed them. when you find yourself, pushing people away' cause you think you aren't good enough, thinking a

                           When tomorrow starts with out me please try to understand that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand The angel said my place was ready In heaven far above and that i would have to leave behind All those i dearly love But when i walked through Heaven's gates I felt so much at home When God looked down and smiled at me, and told me "Welcome Home". So when tomorrow start with out me Don't think we are far apart, for every time you think of me, I'm right there in your heart

                                        I sit beside the fire and think  of all that I have seen, of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been; of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were, with morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair. I sit beside the fire and think  of how the world will be when winter comes without a spring that I shall ever see. For still there are so many things that I have never seen: in every wood in every spring  there is a different green. I sit beside the fire and think  of people long ago, and people who will see a world that I shall never know.

                                        I heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see your face; The warmth of the wind caressed me as I stood silently in place. I felt your touch in the sun today as its warmth filled the sky; I closed my eyes for your embrace and my spirit soared high. I saw your eyes in the window pane as i watched the falling rain; it seemed as each raindrop fell it quietly said your name. I held you close in my heart today it made me feel complete; You my have died...but you are not gone you will always be a part of me. As long as the sun shines.. the wind blows.. the rain falls... You will live on inside of me forever for that is all my heart knows.