Dream Life

  At the end of the day, I just want to be proud of the person I have become.  I want to be proud of the love I gave-of the way in which I risked my heart despite being hurt. I want to be proud of the effort I showed those I cared about; I want to know with a ruthless certainty that I showed up as much as I could, that I made people feel seen, that I made those around me feel less alone in this chaotic world. I want to be proud of my life-of the way I healed, of the way I made mistakes and learned from them, of the way I felt every thing even when it wasn't convenient or comfortable. I want to  be proud of the way I get, of the way I let go, of the way I pushed myself to be a better person. At the end of the day, I just want to be a able to say without hesitation that I lived my life, that I did not just take a back seat to my pain, or to my flaws, or to whatever hardships came my way. I want to be able to say that I am proud of the way I survived. I want too be able to say that I

                                       There is a reason the sky gets dark at night. We were not meant to see everything all the time. We are meant to rest and trust under this bold, full dark sky. Because no matter how heavy the shadow fill the night, in time, we will see morning sunlight. We will see that even though we were tired, weary, and we could not see the ground beneath our feet, somehow, we still moved forward. We still pushed through. And it might take years to see how all of this comes together. We might not always see the pieces fall in place in the timeframe in which we desired. But this does not have to stop us from resting, and trusting that we will not always be here. We are not stuck at this  stage. As terrifying as they may be, our present uncertainties will not last forever. The pieces will come together in their time. We will grow in the way we were  meant to: older and wiser with each day. And that is a beautiful thing. Even when we did not notice it. Even in the

                                                                        Find a guy who calls you  beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty witjout makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you...The one who turns to his friends and says, ' that's her".

                                                     Release me From the prison, I've created, I wasn't forced to participate I entered of my own free will, But little did I know, How my life would go I've been stumbling uphill, Unable to find self-control, I swallow poison, And I know, I'm slowly killing myself, There's no one to blame, I look in the mirror, I am ashamed of my reflection, I want to explain, Everything I've done, My every wrong, I need to tell someone, But no one cares, They're too scared, I will outburst and swear, Here I am, At the doctors, Filling out a questionnaire, My last hope, Such despair, Asking for help, Release me, Please.