Learn to love your lonely

 

                                     

For Girls Made of Storms and Sadness

You are monsoon wrapped in the skin of girl the say you aunt

       tells you how you must act in front of boys.

       Girls like you must never look them in the eye.

Don't forget what happens when boys look in the direction of girls

       that carry the sky in their eyes and

      the world weighing down on their shoulders.

Girls who have seen great sadness very young look vulnerable,

  like prey and some men are wolves. They will eat you alive.

You are too hungry inside your own sadness, and when you love,

     you love like torrential rain-heavy and intense.

        you are too soft hearted and hard headed,

and she is afraid how many around you can see that as weakness.

Some people will want to feed on the chaos that you call your soul,

drain the good from it, leave the confusion for you to handle.

Those are the people you need to run from, but like a magnet,

     those are the people that attract you the most.

       It's as if you are on self destruct mode,

unable to stop yourself from falling in love with damaged things,

      even wild ones that bare teeth to rip you apart

        when you grow closer to touch them.

The first time you have your heart broken, it is in the rain.

      You are so much like a big empty dark room

  full of forgotten things that were once loved too deeply,

      lit up by the lighting of a thunderstorm.

         The thing is, he explains,

    girl like you should be loved completely or not at all,

       and the truth is, even when you are in pain,

           you don't hate him for this.

Actually, his leaving you also left you with the knowledge that you needed

       before loving him. To walk into that room, turn on the light

  and love those things inside yourself before anyone else can love them.

    The second time you have your heart broken, it is in the rain.

               This time, you stand there,

        letting the water wash over you, and your tears.

You are learning from the rain how she never cries or apologizes when she falls.

  There will come a morning, when you are drinking tea

     and looking out the window at the rainfall,

   that you have been looking for answer in the arms of people

   who want to treat you like you are the sun, but you are not.

                   you are monsoon.

 And you are finally beginning to realize that carrying the rain under your skin,

       and the calm before a storm in your eyes is a blessing not a curse.

One night when you are watching a storm, you will understand what she and you have in common.

     You are both lonely creatures. The difference is that the storm loves her lonely so much

       that she lets it dance and sing as loudly as she wants, whereas you despise yours.

              That is the day you learn to love your lonely.

              That is the day you learn you love yourself.

Because you realize that you are a hurricane trapped in the body of a girl.

           And you don't need someone who can survive your storm.

    You are simply in dire need of loving the hurricane, the thunder,

        the lighting... the dangerous beauty that makes you whole.